I should be sleeping.

December 4th, 2008 by Jason A. Howie | Posted in Journal | No Comments »

I should be sleeping after the night I had last night. But I can’t, I’m still running on this high. You see for the first time in weeks I can honestly say that I’m happy. No matter how bad my day was today, and it was bad, it didn’t phase me. Based on my getting home at two-thirty in the morning and my two near car accidents last night I should be exhausted. I went out with Nicole, and my brother last night and we didn’t really do anything out of the ordinary just had a few drinks, dinner, and light conversation. But I feel like I’ve had a week off.

While I was nervous to see her, it turned out to be a really good night of catching up with Nicole. I’m not really sure if I had butterflies talking to her but my hand definitely was trembling at times as I tried to come up with conversation about anything other than work. I mostly failed at avoiding that subject.

At any rate though, my debts are paid, had a good laugh, and feel less stressed, just in time for the rest of the month.

Sometime around midnight…

November 13th, 2008 by Jason A. Howie | Posted in Journal | No Comments »

A lot of things have been going on in my life over the past few months. Some I have control over and some I don’t. I’m taking it as it comes, and facing every new challenge with all of the energy I can muster. Its starting to look like I’m making some progress. I’m the store manager of a Radioshack in North Brunswick now, aside from all of the hours I put into the store, it feels right for where I’m at right now. It’ll give me some valuable experience for down the road.

While I feel that I’m getting my professional side together, I feel like I’ve lost my friends. I know this isn’t true, but it’s so hard to have time to see them, it certainly like a few years ago when I could just get and up and drive for 2 hours to go see some of them. But I feel like I’m going to start doing just that, before I break. Life is too boring without the people who make you happy.

Anyways, on my way to work today G-rock FM played an acoustic verison of “Sometime around midnight” by the airborne toxic event. Made me think of someone who always has balloons on her mind, but anyways here’s the link and lyrics:

Sometime around midnight by ATE or (http://grockradio.com/Sessions-Vault/2644753)

And it starts…
sometime around midnight
or at least that’s when
you lose yourself
for a minute or two

As you stand…
under the barlights
and the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while
and the piano’s this melancholy soundcheck
to her smile
And that white dress she’s wearing
you haven’t seen her
for a while

But you know…
that she’s watching
She’s laughing, she’s turning
she’s holding her tonic like a crux
The room suddenly spinning
she walks up and asks how you are
so you can smell her perfume
you can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there’s a change…
in your emotions
and all of these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind
of the curl of your bodies
like two perfect circles entwined
and you feel hopeless, and homelss
and lost in the haze
of the wine

And she leaves…
with someone you don’t know
but she makes sure you saw her
she looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes
and when your friends say what is it
you look like you’ve seen a ghost

And you walk…
under the streetlights
and you’re too drunk to notice
that everyone is staring at you
and you so care what you look like
the world is falling
around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

and you know that she’ll break you
in two

Wednesday 11:35pm

October 1st, 2008 by Jason A. Howie | Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

So its been a while since I’ve last blogged again. And while I’ve been promoted to a store manager of the North Brunswick RadioShack. I just don’t have too much to talk about tonight. Well there are a few things I want to talk about but don’t have time.. too tired. Here’s a survey to fill some space, thanks to Nicole for it:

rent a car bulgariaWhats your full name?
Jason Andrew Howie

Did you get laid last night?
Last night? Nope.

What were you doing at 8am this morning?
Driving to work.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Driving home from work.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
The boss.

Favorite kind of beer?
Pabst.

Ever kissed someone who smokes?
Yeps

Are you a jealous person?
Depends on the person.

Are u tired right now?
Oh yeah. 13 hours at work today.

What is your outlook on gay/bisexual relationships?
They’re good for the people that want them.

Last text says?
Theres a Honda Fit outside.

Is your hair curly?
Nope.

Are you happy?
Could be a little better, but could also be a lot worse.

Beer, wine or liquor?
Liquor.

Star Wars or Star Trek?
Both have destroyed themselves through greed and poor management.

Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear?
No but I have always intended to make one for this person I know, but well if I did it it’d be because I still have feelings for them.

Do you plan on moving in the next year?
I’d like to move out.

Have you ever thought you were gonna die?
Maybe.

Are you waiting for something?
Someone, maybe.

How old was the last person you kissed?
Not sure.

The last person you kissed, did it mean anything?
“every kiss means something”

Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Yep.

Have you ever made out on your bed?
yes
Do you know anyone who has messed up your life?
Nope, only I can do that.

Do you miss anyone?
Yes

Have you ever made out against a car?
Yep
Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
Very
Who did you last talk to for longer than 10 minutes on the phone ?
The boss.

Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you liked them?
Depends on the girl, and how much I like them.

Kissed anyone on the lips in the past month ?
Should I kiss and tell?

Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
Of course.

If someone were to tell you they like you right now, would you care?

Yeah, especially if it was the same girl I’m thinking about right now.

My focus for the next 12 months.

September 17th, 2008 by Jason A. Howie | Posted in Journal | No Comments »

In the next 12 months I need to do the following, write regularly, work out regularly, get a car, move out, take the GRE, get involved in political volunteering, pay off my debt, and apply to either a masters or doctorate program.

That’s it easilly obtainable just have to start working on them.

I wanted to write a song.

August 28th, 2008 by Jason A. Howie | Posted in Poems | No Comments »

I’m sitting here trying to write you a song,
A song with melody and charm.
With all of the words that you’d expect.
Something to make your eyes weep and your heart pound.

But what good is a song that I write?

With your gaze my words evaporate,
and my disharmonic melody never escapes.

Only if I could sing you this song,
maybe with a little help from weezer you’d see.

There’s beauty in chaos afterall.

its something natural,
these feelings we share, but dare not show.

I’ve always afraid the wrong person would see,
but they’re no more, your all i have, all i want.

This might be less than a song, and more of a confession.

But I hope you understand the point.

Old Post, but I like it.

August 12th, 2008 by Jason A. Howie | Posted in Journal | No Comments »

Tuesday 9:08am
No one really knows what I want in life, no one knows less than what I do for that matter. At times I think I could just be happy being a father and a good husband, and then at other times I want more, a lot more. A writer, politician, and a leader, these are the things I think I want today, tomorrow maybe it’ll be something else, we’ll see.

I’m about an hour early to work today, so I’m waiting for my coworker Matt to open the store, he generally shows up about 15-30 minutes before opening so at any rate I have at least another 10 minutes before he’ll be around. I’ve never realized how many people walk around the mall before it opens, I mean I knew people did it to stay in shape, but I really never knew the extent to which people did it till I started working here at Deptford Mall. Its curious why a person would prefer to walk around the perimeter of a shopping mall rather than just go outside and walk around their block. God forbid these people talk to their neighbors, this is a growing epidemic in America, people are trusting their neighbors less and less. I don’t mean the person that is immediately adjacent to your house, I’m talking about all of the people on a given block or section of town, a lot of the time we don’t even know the names of the people 3 or 4 houses down. This lack of caring harbors distrust and paranoia, on both people’s houses. America is isolated from the rest of the world, but we ought not be isolated from one and another.

A Brief Sketch:
Currently I’m sitting in a large enclosed circular courtyard on one of the mall’s less traveled wings. Directly across from my position in the courtyard an old man sits on a similar wooden bench, with black and gold fabric, he’s in typical Jerry clothing. (I call it Jerry clothing because of a man I once knew epidemises my thoughts on how the older generation dresses, I’ll explain him later in detail.) He has solid black high top sneakers, which he most like bought on discount, white socks pulled up as high as they would stretch over his pale, blood vessel lined legs, his shorts are tan khakis with a dark brown belt, a slightly off yellow shirt, two pens in the breast pocket, and a tan baseball cap, which I think he wears because of familiarity with a life of perpetually wearing hats, than it could have to do with his undoubtedly balding silver hair. On his left hand his gold wedding band still shines, although he looks tired and aged, don’t be deceived, I think this man may still have a spark in his eyes. He sits with complete control, and composer, I sensed no labor in his stride or his movements, most likely I think he waits for the same thing I do, for RadioShack to open, Most likely he either needs a hearing aid battery or a telephone or something there of.. Not likely that he’d be looking to buy a computer or a cell phone, so I think he’ll be safe from my or Matt’s harassment upon entering the store, but he will get our customary and mandatory greeting with in 20 seconds.

And finally Matt arrives.. Hoorah! I’ll have to add more later.

Give it all.

August 10th, 2008 by Jason A. Howie | Posted in Poems | No Comments »

Its silly these things that I ask for now, but I have no where else to turn.

I’m looking toward the people I trust, for advice and guidance.

I’m looking toward the people I owe, asking for more, and promising none.

I’m looking to the ones I love, for a smile and a laugh.

At my hardest times, I look to my friends and family, and I ask the world of them.

If they asked the same of me would I give it?

Thirty Eight Hundred Miles and then some more.

July 18th, 2008 by Jason A. Howie | Posted in Portland Road Trip | No Comments »

Ok so this entry has been a long time coming. I guess laziness got a hold of me. As most of you know I’m back in New Jersey now, and Colin is back in Connecticut.

Our road trip didn’t go quite as planned, but was one hell of a journey. We cut the trip short in Idaho, and drove straight to Portland. I went straight into a Radioshack and got a job, Colin found some temp work, and we both made some friends. Karen, Elyse, and Benjamin, were hard to leave behind, but family and financial obligations had to become a priority.

After 2 months of living there, nearly penniless but much wiser we looked back across the map, packed our things, and drove back east. The drive back was completely uneventful. It was a 2,900 mile drive, that took us 44 hours of driving in shifts.

As for everything that happened after Bismarck, North Dakota. Here’s the rest of the story.

From Bismarck we were suppose to drive through Northern North Dakota into Montana and camp long the southern banks of Fort Peck Lake. Turns out, there isn’t much there. Colin and I both need to go take a U.S. geography course because neither of us realized that eastern Montana was “barren”. Barren in the sense that the terrain we saw was much more of what we were expecting in Utah. For hundreds of miles where ever we could look all we saw was semi arid grassland with tumble weed. That was the last thing we had really pictured. So we didn’t even stop, we just kept driving, all the way to Great Falls. Late into the night we found a Wal-mart and slept next to a camper with people doing the same thing as us.

The next morning we woke, went into the store cleaned ourselves up a little, and then drove to Glacier National Park. The best pictures from this are on my flickr page. Really it was breath taking, but Colin and I weren’t really prepared for camping. Cooking was disaster, the night was cold, and our sleeping mats were non-existent. 

From there we went to our first Couchsurfing experience in Kalispell. Since the community is still relatively small I think I should explain Couchsurfing. Basically the literal meaning is sleeping on a friend’s couch, but now expand that by 500,000 friends. Couchsurfing.com is a site where travelers(whose identities are verified) can find hosts(also verified) to show them around a city, or to even provide them with a couch to sleep on.

Our hosts were the Yarus family of Kalispell. We arrived in the afternoon and when we got into touch with them, they actually weren’t ready for us to come by. We were told to go check out Flathead Lake. The lake bed was exposed because the winter thaw had not yet truly began.

While the Yarus’s prepared a feast for me and Colin the father took us out back and taught us how to shear two sheep. Not surprisingly we did an awful job of it but it was definitely an amazing experience.

The next day we left for Idaho. We went down along the panhandle via US-95 and it was a breath taking drive. While it was rather long, the mountains and foothills were extremely impressive. Colin and I arrived in Boise, ID to meet our new Couchsurfing hosts, Jill and Abby. While they didn’t have us shear sheep, Colin and I both enjoyed their company and stories. I’ll never call it “BoisE” again, but rather “Boisee” because according to Jill that is the proper way.

From Boise we cut our trip short and rather than heading further east toward Yellow Stone, we went due West and ended up in Portland, Oregon.

Our first night in the city was truly uneventful we stayed at a hotel outside of the city and made arrangements to stay with a host for the next night. Our hosts were the gracious Holly and Benjamin. They  are extremely positive and essential members of the Couchsurfing community. Benjamin is a United States ambassador, while Holly is a Portland ambassador. Basically that means if something is being organized in the Portland area they’re involved.

We were suppose to stay with them for two nights, but as it turns out. Colin and I found an ideal apartment that day, and moved in the day after we picked Holly and Benjamin’s brains.

Colin and I stayed in Portland as long as we could hold out, and that turned out to be 2 and a half months. We both drove back about 3 weeks ago now. The trip back was extremely uneventful, mostly consisting of us going 75mph for 44 hours straight. Well, we did stop for gas, food, and nature.

While in Portland these are the things to check out:

• Voodoo Doughnuts (Unique Doughnuts and Noncommittal Marriages)
• Kennedy School
  • An old elementary school converted into a hotel, bar, restaurant, and theater.
• Shanghai Tunnel (bar)
• The Tube (bar)
• Powels Books (A really big book store)
• The various parks and the waterfront

Really I loved that city and feel it should emulated around the country. It should be a great example of what an American city should look like.

1,900 miles

May 2nd, 2008 by Jason A. Howie | Posted in Portland Road Trip | No Comments »

It is Thursday May 1st, 2008 and We’re staying at a Best Western in Bismarck, North Dakota.

Colin and I have been on the road for a week now and are one traveling partner fewer. Sean decided in Chicago that he rather head to a warmer climate than we were destined for and is heading to Austin, TX. We’ll probably meet back up with him when we get there in about two weeks. Until then he’ll be missed.

Well as for the trip its been going well, but is getting a little too expensive mostly because we’re still in cities, if we could get away from cities and do a week of camp hopping we’re quite sure the costs will go down dramatically. So from Bismarck we’re heading straight up to Glasgow, Montana where there’s a few camping sites to stay at.

After Philadelphia we went to Cleveland, Ohio. It was a long drive through the Appalachians of Pennsylvania, and many, many times we’d cry about the remaining number of miles that were displayed on the TomTom. Eventually we got to our destination, Sean a few months prior had helped a local Cleveland band play a show in Connecticut and had asked them to return the favor by letting us crash there for a night. It all worked out perfectly. The Sidekicks have a three story house and had spare mattresses for us to sleep on. Actually I ended up turning in early because of the Philadelphia nights but while awake the company was awesome. The next day we went to a restaurant that’s main dishes were all grilled cheese sandwiches.  Definitely an delicious and semi original idea that’s going to be stolen and replicated by someone, maybe me.

From Cleveland we went to Chicago. We found an hotel outside of the city and went in to visit Amelia. An old friend of both Colin and Sean. She had moved to the area from Connecticut a couple of years back. Amelia’s a 5′4" little vegan with idealistic dreams but has a really good head on her shoulders if she’d only use it. She showed us around the city for a couple of days and even cooked us dinner one night.

The first day we went to Earwax which served a lot of vegan style dishes and I had a local cola which for the life of me I can’t remember it’s name but it was pretty tasty. Across the street there was Myopic Books which was the biggest independent book store I think I’ve ever seen. Later that night we all went to one of Amelia’s friends houses where they all drank and joked about the old days until I was too tired  to let us stay out anymore. I was the designated driver that night.

The next day we packed our stuff and left the hotel and went back into the City, we had hoped Amelia would be able to room us for a night at one of her friend’s places and it looked like it was going to turn out just fine. In the morning we went  to the Sultan’s which is a Lebanese run restaurant. I wasn’t that hungry so I just had some soup but Colin and Amelia had Falafels and raved about them all day. For a few hours Sean, Colin, and I went downtown in Chicago to check out the Fields Museum, and some of the pictures are posted on my flickr now. They had a terrific Native American exhibit and the dinosaur exhibit was quite informative too.

Later that night Amelia cooked us all a delicious dinner and while Sean was talking to one of her friends decided he wanted to stay back for a few days to catch a ride with him down to Austin. Colin and I still eager to see the north told him when we make down to Denver that we’d call him to see where he was and whether or not to meet up with him again. We left 10 minutes after dinner, and started out for Fargo, North Dakota.

We ended up pulling off the road around 2:30 in the morning and sleeping in a town called Eau Claire somewhere in Wisconsin. The next morning  when we woke we got back on the road and actually made a pit stop at the Mall of America before it was open. Which is probably for the best we walked in saw the courtyard with the multiple roller coasters and thought better of waiting for the mall to actually open. We wander the mall and then went to IHOP for breakfast.

We made it Fargo around four in the afternoon, and sat around till it was time to go out into the town. The first bar we hit (Dempsey’s) was pay dirt, three dollar drafts and free jager shots! Still recovering from the driving the night before I turned in early again. Colin stayed out for a while and got quite plastered. At one point in the night I woke up to a drunk friend thrashing my sheets off of me saying that we still needed to go out more. Haha. The  next morning he was in serious pain, and I drove us from Fargo to Bismarck, North Dakota. It was a four hour drive.’

Today we’re leaving for Glasgow, Montana where there’s camping to do, if its not too cold. Later this weekend we’re going to be in Kalispell, MT and going to start a regime of couch surfing.

Till Kalispell I shouldn’t be able to blog again, oh and this is what 1,900 miles looks like:

Two Hundred and Six Miles

April 26th, 2008 by Jason A. Howie | Posted in Portland Road Trip | No Comments »

Not a creature was stirring, not even a hungover Murph. It’s nine in the morning and I’ve been up for well over a hour and a half staring at the ceiling thinking about the last few days since this road trip started.

Thursday Colin’s debit card finally came and the three of us filed into his car and surprisingly managed to fit all of our gear. From Colin and Sean’s respective houses we left for our first stop. My sister Nikki’s place in Waterbury Connecticut. We didn’t stay long at all just a few minutes to see that she was still a live and doing well, most of you know she’s now pregnant. She’s two months a long and she’s starting to show already.

From there we went down I-84 into New York and eventually over the Tappan Zee Bridge, to catch the Garden State Parkway south. We managed to get to my father’s about three-thirty in the afternoon. My first order of business was to shed a couple of large bags so that we had more space in the car. We sat around for a little while talking plans, my father giving some very good suggestions, politics, and actually anthropology too. He cooked us grilled chicken with Stubb’s barbeque sauce, and about the time it was finished my step-mother came home. It worked out well we all had dinner together, but I gathered us together and we departed shortly after dinner around the tail end of seven.

Our next stop was Philadelphia and we got to my brother’s place about nine-thirty. Just in time to go out to a bar where Rebecca was going to DJ. Since it was a Thursday night the bars were pretty dead and we all had about two Pabsts each but still ending the night pretty late while playing the wii back at my brothers. I destroyed all of my contenders in wii tennis. A side note however should be said that I had had plans with one Megan Patterson that night, I had to cancel them because while we gathered ourselves to go out that night it was pointed out to me that I would lack transportation if I did anything other than what the group did. That sucked, and I should have called a cab.

And now I come to yesterday, we woke up around nine, Sean and Colin both shirtless and sleeping in different areas. Sean, on the floor next to the air mattress I was using, and Colin awkwardly on a futon still in the up position. We did a few things like the usual exploration of South Street, where Sean found a co-op store called, Wooden Shoe Books, he got a lovely tee shirt. The slogan is something along the lines of, “Until there is no rape, this is justice.” and depicts a woman holding a gun. That was his shirt for the rest of the day, actually that’s his shirt right now as I type this. At some point in the day I also go a new cell phone, a LG Shine. I like the phone except I’m too use to a full QWERTY keyboard and am struggling with text messages.

Later on in the Colin, Sean, and I filed into the car and started to drive down Girard Ave to meet Caitlin and Nicole at Tattooed Moms. Except as I drove down the road I got a flat from a piece of a car’s headlight. We quickly changed the flat and drove back to John’s where we waited for Rebecca to come home from work to drive us all down to South Street. Caitlin the usual doope in my surprises, had planned with me to get Nicole for once. It worked she smiled and was confused as to why I was there. (I had told her I wasn’t coming home for some time) Caitlin was dressed quite nicely, she was dressed down in the sense that she had a hoody on over her dark purple blouse. Her hair was short, make up done, and she looked as if she’s been going to the gym fairly regularly. Nicole, she looked great and I wanted to talk to her all night long. Damn near did too.

Caitlin, Nicole, and I made plans to bar hop near Rowan University tonight, but its looking like that might be unlikely because of the resistance of my friends wanting to go back into jersey. I can convince them to go though, if I really try to. At any rate though it was good seeing Nicole and Caitlin.

A little note about the physical status of my friends is that Sean’s hungover, Colin’s still passed out. John’s muttering to himself, something about making coffee. Bless his heart.

Today we’re going to definitely have to get some new tires for Colin’s car, and plan for our next leg tomorrow, Cleveland, Ohio.